It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
