if i can run in heels then i can drive
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
