He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Panties = found
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
