Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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