he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
