I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
