to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My cat gives me a boner
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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