Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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