I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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