all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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