i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
