You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
