Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
