best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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