Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
