drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
