I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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