so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
