i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
