You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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