Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
