Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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