i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
being pregnant is like rehab
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
