hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
