I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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