are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
