We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
