Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
