I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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