Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
