I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
