gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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