Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
