I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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