found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
