Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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