I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
