good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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