I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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