Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
