he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
