cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
