Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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