So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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