dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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