i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
