Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
