OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
