i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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