Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
