I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
