i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
